Holy hiatus, Batman.

Category: Books
Recommender: The Therapist
Title: Man’s Search for Himself
Author: Rollo May
Copyright: 1953
Self-Awareness: Raised

It’s been a long time since I’ve reviewed anything, I realize that.  Part of the problem was this book.  The other part involves my personal life.  All of this will be explained in this post, so press on, brave reader.

I’ve been in therapy for the last year and a half.  Or rather, I was in therapy.  I terminated a successful run about a month ago.  Essentially, it took me 18 months to quit my job.  Once I quit the job, I didn’t really need the therapy anymore. Once I quit the job, I had basically resolved the problem I’d gone in with, so it was time to venture out on my own for a little while.  Along the way, my therapist recommended this book to me.  We had spent a couple of sessions talking about loneliness, emptiness, and an overall lacking sense of fulfillment and this was her suggested research.

We used bibliotherapy on more than one occasion.  I also read The Road Less Traveled per her suggestion (also a good one).  The hard thing about reading for your mental health: you spend a lot of time thinking about yourself while reading.  This certainly isn’t a bad thing, but it takes a really long time.  Especially when the book really resonates with how you are feeling.  It takes a lot of processing and defragmenting.  Man’s Search for Himself was no exception.

I didn’t do any research (I don’t always play librarian), but Rollo May had to have been quite the revolutionary in the 1950s.  He talks a lot about sex, rage against the social machine, and the absurdity in trying to fit in with the rest of the community.  In a time of suburbs and Betty Crocker you’re going to piss some people off with shit like that.  He certainly rides the wave of the Kinsey reports and quotes a ridiculous amount of Freud, who were both rebels of their own.  (He also spends a lot of time referencing Greek myths, plays and poems – was that a big deal back then?)

I was hesitant at first in reading this because I feared that a psychological work from 1953 might not be able to do a lot for me.  Surprisingly, May’s thoughts and philosophy speak volumes for today’s psyche.  One of his most impacting theories is of the hollow person.  Though much has changed in regards to technology and society, we still struggle with the concept of being complete people and not just walking shells reflecting the ideas of those around us.  The hollow people have “no definite experience of their own desires or wants.”  They merely conform to what everyone else is doing.  Anxiety has had such an effect on us that we do everything in our power to avoid feeling alone or ostracized, to the point of completely abandoning ourselves for something more pleasant and acceptable to the cookie-cutters around us.

As I have found with many books about the self, much of May’s best work is in the first third of the book.  The revelation of the problem is what’s so important to most people.  Becoming aware that there is a problem and what that might entail.  How one deals with that problem is often very personal and individual.  Perhaps most helpful is the chapter on loneliness and becoming comfortable with yourself when by yourself.  Loneliness is not a tragedy but an opportunity to know yourself better.  May goes on to discuss becoming a fuller person throughout the remainder of this work.  He writes at length about consciousness, maturity, the struggle to separate oneself from the home, and how to leave behind the shell in which many of us reside.

This book was a really good experience for me.  It came at the perfect time.  It helped immensely in the decision to quit my job and seek a different path in life.  That has been what’s sucking away most of my time.  Coming to the conclusion that you want something else for yourself is not an easy one, especially when you leave so many behind that could benefit from your hard work.  However, each needs to seek the path that’s best for him or her.  In the end, it’s how you’ll help the most people and yourself.